I cannot deny how much I despise where I live! It is my Nineveh or my Egypt, as my dear friend Ada would say. It is not like it was 16 years ago—it is changing and I don’t like it!

It isn’t just the heavy traffic, the crowded feeling, the always trying to beat the clock or fight the traffic everywhere I go.

It is deeper than that!

It isn’t just the fact I once lived and served right in the heart of my passion, but moved away from it, back to here, because I promised GOD I would submit to my husband.

It is deeper than that!

It isn’t just that I HATE the RAT RACE and the way people choose to live—always on the go, never enough time to spend doing things that really matter. Do we take time to smell the roses? What about spending time with a spouse, children, or other family and friends?

When do we intentionally make time to invest in someone else’s life—someone who really needs a hand reached out to them?

When have you used your vacation time to go on a mission trip or work a mission project? You don’t have to go to all the way to Africa (though I do dream of traveling to far away places telling others about my SAVIOR). What about a trip to a natural disaster area? Have you ever visited an orphanage—held and loved on a baby or child that was abandoned?

Or, how about volunteering at a Christian camp? Can you mow grass, cook, clean, are you a master plumber, electrician, contractor? Can you change the oil on a camp car or truck, repair a tractor, lawn mower or weed eater?

Have you ever served as a chaperon to youth camp? What a great time to invest in the life of a youth in your church family.

Let’s go a little deeper…
How about spending time alone with GOD, eh? Do you spend enough time with HIM?

How many of us fail?

How many of you reading this right now are saying, “Yeah, I’d like to, but that isn’t reality, Elaine!

REALLY?

Don’t you hate it? I do! And I cannot deny it any longer. Sometimes I think I truly despise “the world!” Not people—I love people! But the way we, HIS PEOPLE, choose to live.

You know, the “happiest,” least depressed country in the world spends only 35 hours a week at the workplace. The rest of their time is spent with family. (They also have time to exercise!)

We are the richest country in the world, but at what cost?

And we wonder why we get depressed, are overweight or unhealthy (physically, emotionally, spiritually).

Do you see what I am getting at?

I have found a coping mechanism. I found a way to “fight the fight,” you might say.

It’s called…a RETREAT! So many of my Brothers and Sisters in CHRIST have not yet discovered it!

Many know what a retreat is, but they are not willing to leave home—their comfort zone. But…they will travel else where for vacation!

You know, when I am there, I can hear HIM louder, more clearly. When I am there, I bond with the people I share living quarters with; touch, work, eat, play, study, grow, struggle, worship with. Even if it is only for a short while—like a weekend. When it is time to say “Goodbye”—I prefer, “I’ll see you later,” we know we have spent precious time in fellowship with one another.

There is something deep about our experience together—something that reaches to our core.

We know we are leaving…different!

We know we can get back out there and face “the world.”

This is my battle. How about you?

This is part of the warfare.

I mean, if you could take a walk with GOD in a garden (or forest), or sit with HIM on a dock watching ripples in the water, or lay with HIM on a blanket star gazing, or stare together at the diamond-like glistening snow, don’t you think you would be different? Would you have conversation with HIM? Would you learn something? Would you feel closer to your HEAVENLY PAPA?

I do!
I do, I do, I do!

My most intimate conversations, confessions, inspirations HE gave me while we were together out there in HIS nature. It is there, I have been on my knees, on my face, completely broken before HIM. Yet again, I rise! Somehow, I rise!

I rise as HE lifts me up! HE brushes me off, lifts my chin, looks me in the eye, tells me I am forgiven, and tells me that HE loves me. HE turns me around to face the world, gently nudges me and says ever so tenderly, “NOW GET BACK OUT THERE AND DO WHAT I TOLD YOU TO DO Elaine.”

Besides, how can I fall in love with someone I don’t spend time with?

How can I gain wisdom from someone I don’t spend time listening to?

How can I go deeper in my relationship with HIM?

Now because of what I have learned, it is time for me to pass it on.

I invite you to accept an opportunity to retreat.

Just do it!

I promise, you will return different! LOVED! Energized! Empowered! Ready to fight the fight—the rat race, whatever you want to call it—you know what I am talking about!

It is as if I am running with my arms full—full of the pieces of my life—the brokenness of me. But all my pieces aren’t there.

I am running.
Running away from those who hold pieces of me.
Running from those I trusted—those I loved—those I love.

But I can’t be with them—they are not good for me.

They hold part of my spirit.
My fault though, I put my heart out there.

I run.
I stumble.
I stumble cause I keep looking back.
I stumble cause I can’t stay focused on the path ahead.
So I drop pieces.
More of me is missing now.

I look back—I can’t help it.
Why do I keep looking back?
It is painful.

Sometimes I stop running and turn back to where I came from.
Though I lose time–though it is painful, I turn back to the ones I love.
If I didn’t love them, I wouldn’t turn back.

My heart is torn.
It hurts.
I’m fighting for my heart.
I want to build a wall around it—this would be safer.
I don’t want to love anymore—except for one—the “innocent one.”

The “innocent one”—sometimes I think my heart will EXPLODE when I think of him.
The others, THEY SHOULD KNOW BETTER!
They hold pieces of my heart.

BUT I am WARRIOR!
I am putting on my breastplate.

I run again.
Only it is harder—wearing the armor makes it harder to run.
But I MUST RUN.
Still running, I try to pick up the pieces.
I suppose I will keep running…till that day.
That sweet day when I don’t have to run anymore.
That sweet day when I am whole again.
I will be whole in HIS arms.
That is worth running for!!!
That will make loving again, worth it!

HE is running behind me.
HE is picking up my lost pieces—
Because there is something to be learned from them.

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